First of all Happy New Year to all who read this blog.  I’ll spare you the cliched post about setting goals – it’s not that I don’t like to set goals, just that they don’t necessarily need to start in January!

 

Having said that, Christmas is one of the few times where I take a week off and my laptop doesn’t travel with me, so it does give me more time to reflect.   Because of the way my mind works I really struggle with completely stopping so I tend to favour the kind of ‘stopping’ that allows me to trick my mind into thinking I’m still ‘doing.’

 

For me this means cooking and reading.  I’m in no hurry to start writing a food blog so instead I just wanted to share with you a summary of a couple of books I did read over the festive period.  Depending on my mood I gravitate to different genres, but usually it’s between business or self development (mindset).

 

On this occasion, I picked out ”Happy” by Fearne Cotton (2017) and ”I have enough-I do enough-I am enough” by Sheridan Stewart (2023)

 

 

The back story for this is that I set my company Vision in 2020 to be ”The Best Tennis S&C Team in the World” by 2025.  I also recently set a personal goal to ”pay off my mortgage in the next 5 years.”  Both of these goals are big scary goals which excite me, but I have realised that they have the potential to pull my time in different (and not entirely complimentary) directions.  To achieve the first goal I feel I need clarity to achieve my vision – my inspiration will be fed by isolation and protection from distraction (meaning having time set aside ALONE to work on the Vision).  To achieve the second goal I need to be committed to working full-time WITH CLIENTS for the next 5 years.

 

In the last four months I have aimed to work full-time and also work on my Vision.  This has lead me to feel 1) knackered 2) question if it is sustainable? and 3) consider, what makes me the most happy?

 

I’ve read all the same self-development books as you no doubt have, and one of my all time favourites is ”The 5 AM Club” but the message ultimately speaks to the virtues of sacrifice and suffering in order to achieve your potential and make the biggest contribution/impact in your career.

 

 

One quote states:

 

Victims love entertainment.  Victors adore education

 

In my 30s I couldn’t get enough education and I had no interest in entertainment, and I didn’t really feel like the sacrifices that other people saw I was making made me suffer- it was fun.  In my 40s it feels a little different and I feel I need more balance.  I still love to educate myself but I feel the need to make more space for other stuff.  I’ve read self-development books that say that the idea of balance doesn’t cross the mind of truly successful people.  I have spoken to a few trusted friends and in my view, it comes back to taking things one day at a time, doing what makes you happy, and knowing that you can change your mind.  I don’t want to feel like a hostage to my goals and constantly be thinking about the future.  It is important to be in the present moment.

 

Life is a journey, not a destination – Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

The books definitely helped give me food for thought.  Rather than review the books in detail I’ll just pull out a few paragraphs that resonated with me.  In this blog I’ll start with Sheridan Stewart’s book.  I’ll cover Fearne’s in the next blog.

 

I have enough – Sheridan Stewart (2023)

 

On finishing her next book

• I live in fear of never finishing it.  Why? Because I don’t write enough is the obvious answer.  But is that true?  I don’t write as much or as often as I aspire to but does that mean I don’t write enough?
• For the past few years I’ve focused on the idea that I don’t write enough and allowed that belief to become entrenched; yet another thing I’m not satisfied with!
• Did I have the imposter syndrome or was I simply a wannabe writer?
• But what if I have been writing enough all along.   The need to have ‘just a little bit more’ can creep up on you.

 

AFFIRMATION – I am learning to trust that I know when I have done enough

 

On having enough

• I find myself wondering if holding back from contentment is a learned behaviour?  I often feel trapped, cornered and fearful that I won’t amount to much, won’t achieve my full potential.  Is this what drives me?  And is that a bad thing? I think not, it’s part of how I achieve things, but knowing what is enough doesn’t come easy for me.

 

On Surrendering

• I only have one bum, I can only ride one horse at a time.
• Then something clicks into place, and I realise I’ve confused surrender with giving up.  Giving up implies defeat, but letting go of that which no longer serves us, surrender, is an act of choice.
• How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.  Why do I think I’m exempt from the basic principles of life?

 

On Expectations

• There is a sweet spot between what we want and what we are willing to do to obtain it.
• How can I still dream and have goals without feeling like a massive loser if the dream changes when I’m only partway to the goal?
• What happens when you discover that you don’t really enjoy doing what it takes to manifest that Big Dream? Or maybe the time for that particular dream has passed, you’ve outgrown it and a new dream is emerging?
• I’m realising that sometimes the role of dreams and goals is to get me up and moving.
• I’m starting to see them as guides, sparks of inspiration that light a path that may lead me directly to the Holy Grail or I might sidestep to explore other choices and opportunities.
• This understanding allows me to not become attached to a fixed result or outcome, to let go or adapt when required or desired.
• Perhaps life doesn’t need to be ALL or NOTHING?

 

On Taking Action

• Let’s talk about inclination for a minute.   ”A person’s natural tendency or urge to act or feel in a particular way, a disposition.”  We often talk about our dreams in terms of compromise: ”the acceptance of standards that are lower than is desirable.”  I like inclination much better!
• Weighing up what you think you want to do or achieve, against what you actually feel inclined to do, helps to define your goal towards an outcome that is both satisfying and achievable.
• A Venn diagram is a great way to identify the sweet spot, where desire and inspiration meet resources and inclination.
• In the first circle, note your dreams and aspirations, and in the second circle place your resources i.e., available time and money.
• The place where the circles overlap is where you put what you feel you are inclined to give the project in terms of time and money.
• Then step back and think if what you are inclined to commit will bring about the outcome you want?
• If not, adapt the goal to better match your inclination, or wait until you have the desired resources to achieve your desired outcome.

 

Venn diagram

 

 

My Summary

 

I definitely like the words ”surrender” and ”inclination” rather than thinking of ”quitting” and ”compromise”.  For me personally, I feel inclined to work full-time (right now) as the personal goal of paying off my mortgage sooner is more appealing while I am younger and have the capacity to work more hours.   You also never know when things can change in business so I’d prefer to be busy now when demand is high.

 

That may change in the future but for now that is what I am inclined to do.  This means that in order to achieve my company Vision of being the ”Best Tennis S&C Team in the World” in the next 3 years I will need help – to bring other coaches and researchers into my world to help me answer some of the questions I have.  Or, if I have to lead this research myself accept that I will need more time to do it with the clarity I choose.  Perhaps I won’t arrive at that clarity in the next 3 years, but that is okay as I’ll look forward to finding my way over a longer period of my career.

 

Hope you have found this article useful.

 

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